Different Headline?

Instead of :

House Republicans Try to Regroup After String of Setbacks

How about:

Longtime Politicians Trying to Adjust to Honesty Among Incoming Freshman.

A spokesman for the House Leadership released a statement saying, “We’ve never heard of these so-called ‘Ah-nist Politicians'(sic), and we just aren’t sure what to do.  I mean really, keeping campaign promises?  Who does that?  But we’ve ‘gotten the message’.  Obviously we have do more to make the public forget about them. (The campaign promises)  Once they do, everything will be business as usual.  At least we sure hope so.”

Indeed, experts are saying that if these tea-party freshman keep trying to live up to what they promised the common rabble just to win votes, congess’ approval rating could rise above 23%.  The news media clearly doesn’t want that to happen, unless the speaker of the House ahs a big “D” in front of their name.

The worst case scenario, say many long-time Washington insiders, would be one of these “Actually-do-what-you-say” types running for president.    They simply can not imagine the chaos if the president didn’t play ball with the special interests.  They fear nothing more than a president walking out of peace summits in a huff; firing all the air traffic controllers; actually not putting up with evil regimes around the world, instead of just saying we won’t, and so on.  According to partisans on both sides of the aisle, that president would certainly be a one-termer, and would be considered the worst president of all time.  The search continues at Republican headquarters for someone who can fool the public into thinking they are Ronald Regan, without actually being like him.

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